Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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