If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
