I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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