totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
