Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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