i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
