Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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