do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
