So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
