you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
