I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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