He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Farmville is her only friend.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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