There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
