i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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