You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
