I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My vagina is very pro this idea
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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