He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
