NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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