Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
