It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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