omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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