I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize