it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
