omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
