just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
