she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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