We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Congratulations! We have a period
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