obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
