My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
