I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
