Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
