Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
