So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
