U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
