Someone shit on the floor
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
