Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Randomize
