the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
