No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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