It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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