Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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