mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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