i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
