im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize