I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
