Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
