With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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