make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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