I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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