Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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