Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
