I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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