I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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