Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize