laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
