Can Purell be used as lube?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
jump out the window naked night went bad
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize