She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
