I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
