I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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