I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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