The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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