its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
