Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
