my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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