just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
