Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize