You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
