So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
