Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
