did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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