my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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