My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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